She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
