i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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