upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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