Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
All I want is dick and wine.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
