Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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