No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
