By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
