To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
