I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
