Pregnant stripper...not hot.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
