she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
