Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
