Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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