On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
