No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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