dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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