I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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