Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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