Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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