You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
