good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
