he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
