i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
