you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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