I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize