I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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