dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
