I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
