Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
