found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
