were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
