It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
