I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
