I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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