dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
