So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
