hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
