there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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