i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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