We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
