i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
