Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize