Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
