and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
