Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
