Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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