i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
