I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
