I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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