I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
