I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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