I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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