help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That accounts for only three of the penises
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
