he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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