I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
