Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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