Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
