Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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