Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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