he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
