It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
