I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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