My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
