dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
